How to Set Boundaries in 6 Easy Steps

Life is extremely complicated in its essence and the addition of a relationship in our lives doesn’t make it any easier. Relationships can be extremely subjective; when you add in the different perspectives of each individual about relationships, you end up more confused than when you started. But know that change is possible; you can make this change. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort, but you can do it. Speaking from personal experience, I come from a culture that has little to no boundaries regarding relationships. Many of the relationships I witness around me seem to be very unhealthy and complicated. One way to ensure your and the other person’s safety and well-being is to participate in healthy boundaries.

Setting healthy boundaries can be a very effective way of having meaningful relationships while conserving your individuality in a relationship. I’ve seen multiple romantic, parent-child, and friend relationships where they are extremely codependent without realizing it. Codependency can lead to people participating in extremely unhealthy behaviors, agreeing to do dangerous and harmful things they never would’ve done alone, and limiting themselves to a certain type of lifestyle because it fits the expectation of the other person. One way to decrease the likelihood of codependency is to set boundaries in the relationships. Setting boundaries can be extremely helpful in making healthy long-lasting relationships.

1. Define Your Relationship

The first step to finding a solution is to define the problem. Look at the relationships and list the good and the bad. What are the things you love about the relationships? What are the things you want to change? If you are uncomfortable about certain things about the relationships, list them. It is important to note that “good relationships” can also suffer from boundary issues. Many romantic relationships can be extremely codependent in their nature because people’s lives are enmeshed together in such a way that they have lost their individuality. They always seem like a “package” deal. Social media and entertainment don’t help because we are constantly told, verbally or nonverbally, that a person’s individual value is defined by their relationships.

2. Define your expectation

What are your expectations from the relationships? If you could design a perfect relationship, what would it look like? List the attributes you want from the other person and explain why? Evaluate your expectations. Are they healthy? Are you asking the other person for too much. Are you setting realistic expectations?

3. Set realistic expectation

Now that you’ve got a list of the things you like and dislike about your relationship along with a list of your expectations, it’s time to set those boundaries. Think about the best possible way to have the relationships without compromising your and the other person’s individuality. Set expectations that are realistic and achievable without compromising your own sanity.

4. Communicate

Communicate with the other person what your expectations are and ask them about theirs. Together, come to a conclusion about where your relationships should be and ways to get there. Show them the list of your expectations from the relationships and ask them to write theirs so you can compare your idea of a “perfect” relationship. Once you have an understanding of the relationships that you both want, you can compromise on some of the expectations and come to a mutually beneficial relationship. For example, if your partner expects you to go out with them every weekend but you want to stay at home, you can come to a compromise for going out on one of the days and staying at home for the other. Communication is key to any relationship.

5. Understand the power of “NO”

Understanding the power of “no” can be very helpful in setting boundaries. In any relationship, you have every right to say “no” to something. You don’t have to have a reason to say no. It would be beneficial to understand why you are saying no, but you don’t have to explain your reasoning to anyone. If you don’t want to do something, you don’t have to. It’s as simple as that. When we learn that we have the power to say “no” to something, we can differentiate between the relationships and our individuality. If the other person keeps pushing your boundary and you feel uncomfortable, you have every right to leave. Learning to say “no” to the people we love is one of the hardest things to do, but it is one of the most important things we need to learn.

6. Be consistent

Defining and listing your expectations is great, but the key to a good relationship is setting consistent, healthy boundaries. There is no point in you defining your relationships and expectations without following through and being consistent about your boundaries. When you are questioning your methods and expectations, remind yourself why you started to have boundaries and why it was so important. The “why” is going to help you remain consistent.

Well, those are some of the best ways to have healthy relationships that consist of healthy boundaries. As mentioned before, relationships are extremely difficult and subjective so find what works for you. Practice the art of saying “no”. Understand that you might get some resistance from the other party and that’s expected. Any changes you make will seem daunting at first but if you are consistent with your expectations, things become easier.

It is extremely important to understand that we need boundaries in every relationship, romantic or otherwise. Set boundaries for your mental well-being.  Put yourself first and know that you are someone who deserves love and respect. You have every right to feel comfortable in your relationships.

What are some strategies you use for setting healthy boundaries? Let me know in the comments below.

Thanks for reading

-Navi